contradiction

There's these two sayings:

"Time will heal everything"
and
"Absence makes the heart grow founder"

They contradict each other totally what! [>.<] I personally think time does not heal at all. It will only lighten the memory BUT. The scar will forever be there. Once you break a glass, no matter how you piece it back, there's those ugly scars! And yeah, I want you more than anything else when I don't see you, yet there's this scar where you had slit across my heart long ago.

Recent happenings only kept me further from having that little dream. It was just only sooo hard and recent that I had finally managed to walk out of that little nightmare I've been having
Just a few steps away and things got out of hand and became worse.

What have I been doing? Tsk! I guess nothing's meant to be. Feelings are just sooo hard to capture and be understood. They change the moment you let loose of it
Afterall, they are the ones in charge. Struggling with them will only make it all seems useless and ridiculous.

After all these while, I still dreams of you and the times we were together. Looking at the familar place where I spent the happiest moments in it. Everytime I drive round it without fail. The head seems to know where it's heading.

When the heart got a little out of place from the scar
All I did was to compare..compare compare compare
I can never find a better reason to put you in the better place
Though the new feeling came, replaced the old and buried it deep down the heart
I can never seem to not be telling myself it's all over

It was not in a situation where the whole thing can be repeated
Yet, there's just this *wo fang bu xia* urgh everytime
Rumaging through the things which should have been thrown years ago
Just reminds me of the sweet little times

All that you've ever done when we a part of each other
Were clearly engraved in my heart
Though I can barely remember how you looks like
A faint little look just appear everytime the dreams return now
And your faint little voice just start filling all my ear drum with oil~~

Almost in the 3rd year now, yet it all seemed like it happened yesterday
Your exact words, on that rooftop garden in the familar warmth hug you gave
the time, the clothes you were wearing, the perfume you ever like so much
the kiss you touched on my lips when it seemed like the perfect moment
the band concerts which we always go together
the way we tried to hide from everyone yet got exposed in the end secret
they way you wrote those letters to me the way you always have a way to soothe me down when we quarrlled or I'm just in one-of-those-moods days
the way I'm motivated to get good grades cause of you

If there ever's this one day where i'm given a wish to either go to my future,
or return to the past.
I will definately choose to return to that particular day and time
and go through it all over again

Well, speaking of which, I just woke up from a dream which I really did go back into time. I saw the familar place and the familar faces where we once *battled* with almost everyone for our unique relationship. The ever once encouraging person who supports us till the end telling us not to give up and there, we were back once again.

I wish I had studied extra doubly-doubly times hard and forced myself to go to the same place as you did and everything would not have been into what I am at now. I should have chosen business course instead of trying to even try to get into a course like this. Or at least just control myself, for most of the times. At least I will have less issues with people now.

Damn, I am not what you people know.

oh my..

iii..............
just discovered something!!!!!

******

nowyoumademewanttheoldlifeihaveback.
damnyou!
itwassoohardtogetoutofthatshadow.
andgreatithadtohappenalloveragain.
thatwillneverhappen

not a good entry.

you jolly well do not talk HALFWAY with the person and suddenly go MIA!
it's rude..! BLOODY DAMN RUDE!
didn't your mama teach you?
or at least you would have learnt in school...
to show full attention to the one talking to you
and not be distracted???

It's damn irritating!
I get these treatments from everyone surrounding me.
and it's coming onto me. irritation!
ergh.

and now, cause of a few misunderstandings,
you made me think through alot. yet again.
why can't things just last happily for me?

other thing, where do i exactly stand in your heart?
am i ONE of the importants?
or are ******* more importants?
like why the hell...........................

does saying out really helps?
and i thought saying out destroys everything.
why do i live for?
for whom and why???

friendship wasn't there in the beginning.
all we relied on was **********
and that is a rather sad case.
i fantasized.
everyone do.
but my fantasy just do not come true.

ii need comfort sometimes.
and yet everyone seems to think otherwise of me.
the lousist student.
the worst bestfren.
the crappiest person.
and lastly,
the world's most hatred person i bet.

and why is it that i have that kind of thinkings/feelings from everyone?
thinking too much is just an excuse.
i bet when you said that,
you think so otherwise.

i do not think too much.
it's you who gave me all that *thinkings*
respect?
what do i get?

a bad character
a violent behaviour
a hidden face behind my craziness
inferior attitude

what was all that mould what i am today?
what was it that i grow through i bet others won't grow through unless..
the sufferings and misery i'm going through is enough to shock all to death
was it just so difficult to be me?
just me???



i am very tired.
i also wana end it all.
but that is a sin.
i wana be free.


p/s: the above all of *you*(s) refer to different people. if you're guilty, do something about it bah. if you're unhappy, DO NOT TELL ME. JUST GO AWAY.

!!!!!!!

iamsuchafailure! ):

aloser. )):

andanasshole. ))):

i didn't realise that till i actually asked.
damn.



forget it.
im sick of it.

well, what is it excatly like to be push around like some nobody??

what is it like to be treated like some rubbish??

which not even anyone will pick it up after being throw??

what is it like to feel so behind everyone else??

and be lousy all yor life??

what is it like exactly to be a loser??

and be meeting jerks all around your whole life?? (okae. i know im still young. still....)

what is it like to be bombed by one truth (hurting one somemore) again and again...

without having any space to breath and accept the last one yet??




the only man you can count on is your father
- quoted from grease *frenchy*

so true.




darling. i need you right now. ):

yesterday was a goneallwrong day for me. first i can't wear my favourtie polo black tee cause clever mama washed it for me and it's still not dry. then, found out that she washed my socks too. so i have no choice but to wear my lil sis one. and i hate wearing jeans which by the way is a must. having no jeans myself, i wore edna's luckily i haven return it to her. and we have to wear shoes. that sucks! why didn't anybody tell me we could wear pumps too? cause i saw a lot of seniors wearing it! X( damn.

if you think that's okay, there's worse. during the mini concert, the 2nd piece, starting was to only blow air thru our instrument, i blew too hard and made a sound! DAMN, that was......sooooo embarassed! (i can't spell for goodness sake) made nypso threw face! felt bad already. and benedict had to made it worse by making fun of me..as usual. the secondary school students were making fun of me as well..next was sectional, i had to take a piece which i had only seen twice and blown at least once. FYI, I DO NOT KNOW THE RYTHM AND ALL... I DID NOT EVEN KNOW THERE WAS A SOLO IN IT AND HOW LONG IT LAST! ALL I KNOW WAS I MADE A FOOL OF MYSELF DUIRNG SECTIONAL!!!!!!!!!! that was still okae as i just scraped it through. the last blow! i could not play starflight at all! I ONLY SEEN AND LAYED IT ONCE. NOT WITH THE BAND EVEN!! and the sec school conductor was only sitting beside me! I BET I WOULD HAVE DIG A HOLE AND HIDE MYSELF IF I COULD! after that, i was only being listless all the while already. I GAVE UP!

you know i felt like crying all the way after that. felt soooooo useless! it wasn't helping when benedict and betrand gang-ed up against me!!! and all of a sudden i miss swisswinds! it made me came to the conclusion that maybe forcing myself to stay in nypso isn't a good idea at all. since i do not like the conductor in the first place. there will also be no committment or any motivation to play well for the band. even my senior can tell i have no interest in the band. see!! =/ i really do not know what to do. after like...one sem in the band, there's of course bound to be some feelings for it. can i give trumpet section up? can i? hopeless.

shan't think too much about it now. focus on IMF first. X/

Damn! I couldn't get biochem into my head. I swear I will never wana have anything to do with biochem anymore after this sem! Which means, I will have to SQUEEZE everything into my head by next morning and pass the paper! X/

ERGH! It's tough tough tough!!!! I had no idea what to learn and why the words are written iin the notes! =/ I so don't wan biochem paper to come now. I wana go back to lectures time! The times after common test. I so regret not paying attention in lectures! I wana go back!!!! X/

*sobsobsobsobsobsobsob* help me help me. Can't do a single past year papers and don't understand what a thing the notes that are facing me, are saying! BOO!

Irritating shit! It sucks to have this feeling. I don't understand how come some people can get these tough scientific words into their head/brains/cells wadever! double BOO!

and till now, I just found out I wrote BENZENE is CANCER CAUSING! and whoo~ I din't recall writting it down. GREAT! and that it is HYDROPHOBIC! Wow! Cool laa. Okay. Maybe I should just skip Biotransformation. *skipskipskip*

To Microbial Fermentation & Cell Culture................................... *BLUR* HAH! double GREAT! triple BOO! ERGH! I so wana drop out of poly right now. Maybe it isn't the right choice for me afterall. X(

Damn. This is getting very random. BOOBOOBOO! *cry8 cry9*

no longer mine.
won't ever be again.
how fast time flies.
im tired.......
it's been almost half a year.
heart locked.
how amazing it is..
the ups and downs.
that was in my life.
the joy..
the laughter.....
the boos...
the quarrels...
the fights..
most of all....
the gift of love that bring light whenever there is darkness
is gone from my life.

***

er....my sentence structures sounds wrong. damn. my english. is de-proving. hah! just been proven. as there's no word such as de-prove! mr goh's gona flip i supposed! sorry mr goh! haha. X/

Went school today to revise for tomorrow's killer paper - engineering math. was glad that i could at least do the questions in section a. well, just that i reallly neeed the guide i've been having. that's soo bad. i've already depend myself heavily on darlings' help. cause i knew everytime i made a mistake, be it careless or not.. they will be there to warn me. but i really wish i can just buck up and remind myself of everything. X/ i really wana pass.. soo badly.

finished 3 past years papers section a and it was already near noon. guess a lot of them did not eat breakfast. so all packed up and off to amk we went. ate at jubilee's 2nd floor some chinese restaurant. damn. their food.......sucks! im so sorry for being so blunt here. but yar...it's just the true. X/ eeek. and the fillings i think is only enough for pri 6. kid. wth.

spent time talking and chatting. before we settle bill and the guys as usual went to arcade. for their daytona.. =.-'' chai hui and melissa accompanied me to buy solution for the contacts. okae. it's like....finally i've decided to buy solution. i realised i can't depend on that little amount i have right now in the small smalll bottle that chai hui gave me. lol. X/ not that i'm stingy. it's just that....i have no more pairs of contact lenses. but yar. since i bought new bottles of solutions.. i will of course get more pairs of contact lens. lol. XD

and the school just called me to said that the IMF uniform are ready for collection on the 1st of sept. that's teachers' day! have to go back school to collect it. X/ haha. this date reminds me of last year. we were with mrs chin having our *extra* accounts lessons in SCHOOL, with permission given by the principal. imagine us having the whole schoool to ourselves. lol. and it's on teachers' day mind you. i guess we'll be like the only class that agreed to that. oh mrs chin. haha. how i miss her teachings. hehe. ((:

alright. have to practise more math now. and im off with math till october. (:


wish me luck alright!!

i feel like the little girl in the picture. lonely and down. X

and so i had been staring at the practise papers for like....idunohowlong already. and for every year paper. i can only do the 1st few questions. the recent years..i don't even know the 1st few questions!!! X( freaked out by the "knowledge" i had eh. i should just go bang a wall. X/

anyway, i just hope tomorrow i can *squeeze* everything into my head. i don't know how am i gona do that. but..yar. i have to laa. no choice. i don't wana repeat anything alright. why must there be math..!!! X/ hate it sia. anything but math is okae for me laaaa....! ergh. oh well, who can i blame. jiayou wor everyone taking exams. and of cuz CP0606! XD

and deyu is now asking me whether wana plan a bbq night as replacement for alumni dinner since.....i don't think anyone from 5n3 is going. i seriously misssss my 5n3! no matter how many conflicts we had in the past. i still missesss them. they're all part of my growing life. XD i love each and everyone of them. those i've lost contact with..it's such a waste. well, back to topic....yup. and so since the alumni dinner is considered expensive for us...we shall do with a bbq night!! XD can't wait. although nothing is confirm yet. and since a majority of them are living in the BP area......im sure they will make it ah!! won't complain about being too far or what right? it's like.........a blue blue moon that we get to meet up!! ((: so glad someone's taking initiative!!!! XD wheeeee~!!!!!!!!!!!!

woah. i can't help but think of all my post-exams activities!! i'm so lucky i have only 3 modules that are examinable. or im realllly sooo gona die.

nicholas revamped his whole blog! it looks much better laa. and his song isn't *loud* anymore. or rather, i fell in love with his song. haha. yup. micheal jackson!! hehe. all time favourite yeah. XD you are not alone.......i am here with you.....lalalalala..... haha..

and gidd sent me another song yet again. meaningful lyrics. but.....well, everytime he sent a song to me.. it represent something. this time, i can't sense anything. X/

and i got to know another kind of song through my uncle. haha. it may sound weird at first. but it definately ain't some weird song laa.. the lyrics......have the *xiao li chang dao* kind.. don't know you understand my chi not. haha. but wadever. yar. it's nice. period.

have been thinking through a lot this past week. study break ain't good at all. it made me slack even more! X( well, that's part of the thinkings. a lot more a lot more.

what's wrong with me nowadays?

***

Months ago she watched him go,
keeping silent without saying no,
since then her heart shut close,
will she ever love again? Nobody knows.
then she saw him in front of her,
both him and her smiled at each other,
She wished she could just spill her heart out,
that she still loves him no doubt.
She looked into his eyes,
it gave her that warm feeling so nice,
she wish she could just tell,
How much she misses him like hell
but she just couldn't

***

Your presence used to make me smile,
it made my thoughts run so wild,
it was always sweet talks and kisses,
and much love that one just misses.
Those days are long gone now,
nothing left can be done somehow,
I don't know your face no more,
but still my heart feels so sore.
I saw you the other day,
it made me feel down,
we were just like strangers living in different town.

well, those words just totallly describe my heart.

is this a pig or a cow? hmm..
crossbreed? X/

***

When a person doesn't love you and wants to leave you, you must ask yourself
if you still love him. If you also don't love him anymore, don't ever let
him leave just to save your pride.

If you still love him, you should wish him happiness, and hope that he will
be with the one he loves most, not stop him from it.

If you stop him from finding true happiness with the one he loves, it shows
you already don't love him. And if you don't love him, what rights do you
have to blame him for a change of heart?

Love is not possessive. If you like the moon, you can just take it down and
put it in your basin. But the moonlight still shines upon you. In other
words, when you love a person, you can use another method of possessing the
person. Let him become a permanent memory in your life

If you really love a person, you must love him for what he is. Love him for
his good points, and the bad. You can wish for him to become like what you
like him to be just because you love him.

If he can change to become what you like him to be, you don't love him
anymore.

When you really love a person, you cannot find a reason why you love him,
you only know that no matter when and where, good mood or bad mood, you will
wish to have this person be with you.

Real love is when two people can go through the toughest problems without
asking for promises or listing criteria. In a relationship, you have to put
in effort and give in at times, not always be on the receiving end.

***

I always read this over and over again to remind myself not to......................
True as it might seems, it is hard to put these words into actions.

Thinking over what I had gone through the last half a year++, it was tough. Maybe I haven't really know how to love. The feeling where you know will hurt each time you learn about it yet you just can't help but to just click on it just to see how's the other party is doing. Then get all upset over it. Well, who am I trying to prove? It's sucha useless move.

Talking about irritates the besties off. How I wished I can just cry it all out to one person who's willing to listen to me or just sit there and lend me the shoulder.

It hurts a lot and it really do. You never understand how much efforts I tried putting into the relationship to make it work. You never understand the *mental* obstacles I overcame to try to fit into your world. You never see the results of each of our miracles.

I don't see why I always tried to hide my feelings and still talk to you everytime. If I see you now, will I still be able to do the same?



a shadow never to be erased.

***

Damit! I just found out why I keep having to word verify my post everytime I wana post an entry. Blogger thought mine was a spam blog! *angry* damn damn blogger. X/

Was crapping again in the above.. X/Meeting my girls(daz) next week. XD But time and day not confirm. ): Think we'll be pushing the meeting to holidays if we can't get it settled. Eeeek! Don't like don't like. SO long never gather already. Time clashes. All time's fault. X/

Anyway, the family isn't getting any better. )):


Eeeeek. X( Throw me down a well laaaa.

Am I hurt.....once again...?

I think I am.

How?

But this time.. It isn't really....the reality.

all along.. it had only been a dream. =/

phew* now that i let it out. i feel much better. (:

cyah.

so sorry for this post. advised to not read and leave straight away. (:

















I forgot about his birthday completely. Is that a good sign? I only realised when I was looking at tsehwee's calendar.

Thinking of it, it should be a good one I supposed. At least I was enjoying myself at jy's concert and surrounded with darlings. Oh yar, that very day, something good happened too~ ((:

I felt so loser. Wasted soo much time and money on preparing a birthday present for him only to throw it away on the day I started hating him. Sometimes I wonder..does he still remember anything about us..? Nah. I think not.

At least I can tell that he is treating his current one better then me. He loves her more than he loves me. I still felt that tinge of jealousy in me. =/ Somethings can never be said.

There's the fear he instilled in me.
The fear of reject.
The fear of loving.
The fear of hurting.
The fear of losing.
The fear of attachment.
and
The fear of turning love to hatred.

Yeah. I once thought that time will not be able to heal my wounds.
I once thought that I really will be so stubborn as to not let go of my heart and feelings.


People said to not look back.
However,
when loneliness creep up on me.
All I think of is you..and more of you...


why is loving such a difficult task to fulfil?
task. such description.


All the 3 yrs of everything...
it is still not easy for me to let go.
yet holding on to it means nothing.



210504, 1735.
these numbers..
they no longer mean anything.
they were my everything.
they were my motivation.
they were my study mates.




all was lost.




why isit that i find it so hard to..
really hate you..



everyone bump into you.
never me.




get me a teleporter
and teleport me back to the days
i see you everday. almost.


those days you still cared about me.
i was still part of your life.


sayangsayangsayang.

I'm still not done getting all depressed and upset over a lot of things. It's not that I wana scold myself or anything. Just some self-reflection done. It's true anyway. I'm kind of angry at myself. Nah. Not kind of.. But rather.. VERY.

Like today, the QC test was a total flop. T.T I sort of prepared myself to retake the module already. I feel like banging myself off the wall alright? It was like...so straight forward! And idiotic me can still leave blanks! *slaps myself* Went for the IMF training this morning, icy and edna were like..discussing and all laa. I don'k understand a single thing at all!

Then, we (band darlings) were supposed to be meeting happily tomorrow. Yet somethings have to surface and cause a lot of confusion and all.... To now.. I'm very very tired.

I gave a moody face today. I'm soo sorry. I was just not in the mood. Not that I wana show my face or anything. But I feel...rather useless. For whatever that had happened.

And I think I will not be able to lift my spirits up these few days. Maybe except with some people else's company. I need time off my surroundings to really shut myself up.

I have patience and feelings too. I can't be smiling happily all the times. Family have been getting into a worse state. Studies is going downhill. Friends..have been really strange.

Everything..everything...


I want a break from everything. Leave me alone.



I'm a pathetic shit.
break off.



how does it feel to slp and nv wake up.....?
okae. no one would know.
cause you would be dead by then.

so let me be one of them?
it's a sin I know.
=/

Hmm.. My very special unique person is online wor~ Whee~ ((: Okay. Random. I'm always so happy whenever he's online. ^_^

Anyway, I was bored. So I decided to play around with photoshop. Hehe. See my results. ((:


the original. (meant to expressed depression.)


first attempt. (it isn't nice at all la..)


2nd attempt. ((: (kinda like it)

Quite proud of myself. Hehe. I like the grid squares!


Now.. It's my desktop wallpaper for a few days. Hehe. The memories that are fading. I used quite a while to finally understand how to get the grids done properly. (:

Well, gona make another wallpaper to change this off. Hehe. Can't have his photos all over my lappy screen. =P This is only trying out. Hehe. Yeah!

As long as stars shine down from heaven
And the rivers run into the sea
Til the end of time forever
You’re the only love I’ll need

In my life you’re all that matters
In my eyes the only truth I see
When my hopes and dreams have shattered
You’re the one that’s there for me

When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you, I need you

Chorus:
Imagine me without you
I’d be lost and so confused
I wouldn’t last a day, I’d be afraid
Without you there to see me through

Imagine me without you
Lord, you know it’s just impossible
Because of you, it’s all brand new
My life is now worthwhile
I can’t imagine me without you

When you caught me I was falling
You’re love lifted me back on my feet
It was like you heard me calling
And you rush to set me free

When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you, I need you

Chorus

When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you, I need you oh

Chorus

I can’t imagine me without you

Anyway, I spent a very happy and yet not happy weekend!!! ((: Not happy being I cannot be involved in the Downtown Escapade event. Hearing stories from darlings made me feel soo envious. Hehe. It's always a new experience. Eeeek. Too paranoid of shen yi and me. *curse and swear* Whoops! However, happy being I got to chat with a very special unique person for two whole night! ((: Plus.. Italy won the world cup! Double happiness I guess? Hhehe.. Darling cannot stand me talking about it. Haha.

It's scary to be feeling like this. All felt like a dream.
Can I just keep on dreaming forever and stay that way? ((:

I always thought my family was a comfort to me.


But I guess I'm wrong. Sometimes.


My pillar broke into two one night.
Then my strength was halved.
Next my life turned to stone.
Now, my only comfort left me behind.
To *live*.


I'm breaking down soon.

No. I think I broke down already.





Ain't I useless??





Yes I am.




I can't take the setbacks given to me.
Then I can't believe the fact that we're the past.
I can't and i can't...
Now, I don't wana accept the things that happened.




Please move on. Is that really easy?

I'm stubborn.


Already I know it is useless and un-change-able.
Yet I still carry on the way I did.







Just leave me alone.

Not even any comforting OR insulting OR sacarstic words. Thanks.













My lonely 18.

still can.

I didn't realise I still can cry. Some people can just click with new friends welll like anything. I just can't. I seriously doubt I can be that happy in my new class starting next monday.

I don't understand why must I still be bothered to check that out every now and then. It just pains me but still. I did. Mine's coming. But I don't think I can ever be that happy anymore.

Is is because _______________________________________________





I don't wana go on like this.
i want my directions in life. =(

drained.

I was helping out at the F&A dept today.. (HR dept)
It's a lot better than Engineering dept. heee...

My three quarter drank cereal cum lunch.. haha..

Do they remind you of those pasar malam stalls selling various schools test papers??? wahaha....

I hafta sort out theessee hundred pieces of *duplicated* certificates into their category.. ahh! after that typed it into the computer.. loads of work to be done.. I still have about one-third of it left...

*snap snap snap* hee..

Something happened today. And I'm a happy girl after that. whee~

Nah. Don't thing slanty slanty alright? haha... Can't wait for serenade. yeah! I miss my juniors.. And Friends are gona be the ushers..

I You. and I'll always You.

Hmm, if you guys reading out there don't wana get bored or be thinking *juliana's being emo again* or be angered by what I'm going to type.. Then leave now. Cause I'll be very very very emo.. For this is my blog.. My blog entry.

I'm feeling hurt now. So just let me vent it out here. If not, I'm scared that I'll just die of bottling up my feelings. My heart can take no more shocks..

Still not leaving? Then don't say I didn't warn you..

Want leave?? Just leave la.. You wouldn't want to see what I typed.

Okay. Fine.
I went out yesterday! As mentioned.

Bought this little thing. Meant for a special someone. Don't know if I'm doing the right thing.. Or going the right path.

If you ask me.. I'll carry on this way.

I do agree that once you are too useddd to the way a person treats you.. You'll take it for granted. And be N-U-M-B-E-D. But the one feeling everything don't care for anything else.

And I know that.. All I had done these few months.. Made someone special to me lose all that I actually once meant a lot to that someone.

I'm sure that if a lot of un-necessary things not happen.. I could still be able to sustain it.

I shouldn't have given you my one and only memory of your sweetness away back to you. I want back the booklet of messages that I specially spent away my *supposedtobestudying* time to write it down word for word.. I want it back.

I still cannot believe that you can actually just causally splurt out those words you said when you looked back at the messages you typed for me..sincerely.. But now I doubt it.. For when you said that you couldn't believe.............................. Since then, my heart stopped feeling.

It stopped just at the moment you turned cruel towards me. So much so that I could relieve and cuddle in your moment of warmth instill in my heart.

When I found the *double-heart* ring you gave it to me.. I thought all was not lost...yet. But just when I found it.. Everything broke. How I wished I would not find it back. Say me silly.. Say me stupid and whatever.. I kinda blame it on the ring.

Can we turn the time back to that band tour we had?? That's like the happiest moment I had in all my time with you.

We were so innocent and happily free of everything with the outside world then... Yar.. Dwelling on the past only waste time. fine.

I'm drained.. of all my feelings and tear.

if i could

If I could.

If I could turn back time...

I will stop myself from being *married* on dinin-in.
I will not probe into your secrets.
I will not let myself fall for a malay guy, you.
I will freeze my heart.
I will not take the initiative to be closer to you during band tour.
I will not let your *movements* move me.
I will never never agree to it on 210504`1735.
I will not watch the 1st movie with you.
I will reject you.
I will stop all from happening.


thus, not being so regretful now.
===========

Oh! I got my bag already. hee. =) I told you guys i will regret buying it. That's girls right? >.<

I'm going to serenade soon! Hope it will be a nice one not like the last. *prays* And mr eric is going with me!! How excited is that? haha.. To go out with a last seen 3 yrs ago friend. =D

And you know what? The stupid concert last from 4.30pm to 7pm lastest..? That's what I heard. haha.... What offf timing. hee.. But anyway, it's cool la. Such off timing... Enough time for a dinner and movie? haa... Joking joking. AH! I needa go Ikea!! =D *wink wink*

By the way, how do you sustain a conversation with a guy? or rather, opp sex?? hmmm.........

so i was still dreaming.

i really can't help it.

Random pictures.. right now, my feelings are like those of the LOST characters.. Lost... =(

I miss my "friends".. Seriously.. Can anybody tell me... Do I have any *real* friends at all? I guess not. It made me miss him even more.. =( I'm someone who yearns for comfort and doting..

What can I do? I feel so empty.. My life is just a hole....... I think I'm hopeless. ='(