a new beginning ♥

so sorry for this post. advised to not read and leave straight away. (:

















I forgot about his birthday completely. Is that a good sign? I only realised when I was looking at tsehwee's calendar.

Thinking of it, it should be a good one I supposed. At least I was enjoying myself at jy's concert and surrounded with darlings. Oh yar, that very day, something good happened too~ ((:

I felt so loser. Wasted soo much time and money on preparing a birthday present for him only to throw it away on the day I started hating him. Sometimes I wonder..does he still remember anything about us..? Nah. I think not.

At least I can tell that he is treating his current one better then me. He loves her more than he loves me. I still felt that tinge of jealousy in me. =/ Somethings can never be said.

There's the fear he instilled in me.
The fear of reject.
The fear of loving.
The fear of hurting.
The fear of losing.
The fear of attachment.
and
The fear of turning love to hatred.

Yeah. I once thought that time will not be able to heal my wounds.
I once thought that I really will be so stubborn as to not let go of my heart and feelings.


People said to not look back.
However,
when loneliness creep up on me.
All I think of is you..and more of you...


why is loving such a difficult task to fulfil?
task. such description.


All the 3 yrs of everything...
it is still not easy for me to let go.
yet holding on to it means nothing.



210504, 1735.
these numbers..
they no longer mean anything.
they were my everything.
they were my motivation.
they were my study mates.




all was lost.




why isit that i find it so hard to..
really hate you..



everyone bump into you.
never me.




get me a teleporter
and teleport me back to the days
i see you everday. almost.


those days you still cared about me.
i was still part of your life.


sayangsayangsayang.