a new beginning ♥

yesterday was a goneallwrong day for me. first i can't wear my favourtie polo black tee cause clever mama washed it for me and it's still not dry. then, found out that she washed my socks too. so i have no choice but to wear my lil sis one. and i hate wearing jeans which by the way is a must. having no jeans myself, i wore edna's luckily i haven return it to her. and we have to wear shoes. that sucks! why didn't anybody tell me we could wear pumps too? cause i saw a lot of seniors wearing it! X( damn.

if you think that's okay, there's worse. during the mini concert, the 2nd piece, starting was to only blow air thru our instrument, i blew too hard and made a sound! DAMN, that was......sooooo embarassed! (i can't spell for goodness sake) made nypso threw face! felt bad already. and benedict had to made it worse by making fun of me..as usual. the secondary school students were making fun of me as well..next was sectional, i had to take a piece which i had only seen twice and blown at least once. FYI, I DO NOT KNOW THE RYTHM AND ALL... I DID NOT EVEN KNOW THERE WAS A SOLO IN IT AND HOW LONG IT LAST! ALL I KNOW WAS I MADE A FOOL OF MYSELF DUIRNG SECTIONAL!!!!!!!!!! that was still okae as i just scraped it through. the last blow! i could not play starflight at all! I ONLY SEEN AND LAYED IT ONCE. NOT WITH THE BAND EVEN!! and the sec school conductor was only sitting beside me! I BET I WOULD HAVE DIG A HOLE AND HIDE MYSELF IF I COULD! after that, i was only being listless all the while already. I GAVE UP!

you know i felt like crying all the way after that. felt soooooo useless! it wasn't helping when benedict and betrand gang-ed up against me!!! and all of a sudden i miss swisswinds! it made me came to the conclusion that maybe forcing myself to stay in nypso isn't a good idea at all. since i do not like the conductor in the first place. there will also be no committment or any motivation to play well for the band. even my senior can tell i have no interest in the band. see!! =/ i really do not know what to do. after like...one sem in the band, there's of course bound to be some feelings for it. can i give trumpet section up? can i? hopeless.

shan't think too much about it now. focus on IMF first. X/