a new beginning ♥

I went for the company BBQ just now. hah! Nothing really surprising or interesting huh!

=) I didn't realise that sooo many people in the company actually know me and my name! hah. It felt so nice... to be recognised. =D EEEEWW.. now I'm fat again. haha..

I forgot to bring camera there. ahh.. *pouts* but anyway, at least I sort of enjoyed myself.. =)

It was my FIRST time to WEST COAST PARK anyway okay!!! =x haha.. I felt like a mountain tortise! haha... It's kinda nice la. the place. BIG windy and nice. heee..

I was always treated like a pampered little girl everywhere I go.. =) How nice is that....? hee.. I'm lazy to write in details la.. hee..

i know, we can never be like before. after i type this out.

you know i'm the pessimistic type.
you know i will never ever think of a situation in a positive way.
and you also know i always do things without thinking and how it reflects onto me.
you asked me that question..
what do you think i'll answer?
sure it wouldn't be a good one..
ain't i right?
or maybe i always thought you know...??

i always tried to stay positive
and remind myself that
after your studies
it'll all be over.
we'll and can withstand all these.

that msg i gave you on the 22nd..
always tells me to believe and keep by it.

but don't you think you're overboard?
you expect me to stay on
when all you did was to
stay away from me?

if you still feel what
you feel towards me
like one year before..

will you behave like you did now?
will you ignore me still?

don't you miss msging me?
won't you feel something's missing from your life?

nobody's trying to make this better.
and all that i did..
only made you repulse away from me.

if you still do....
you will never said that
you couldn't believe you could type all those msges you tyoed in the past.

you will never again and again
remind me that we're just friends now
and nothing more.

you will never not msg me
and stop all contact from me.

all the pesterings i gave you
only made me feel that i am
CHEAP. and PATHETIC.

or at least i thought so myself. =(

if you were me.. what would you do?

i know only now..
that i have never understand what you were always thinking...

that you were so secretive and i can never guess your mind.



so maybe we were never meant to be.




i never know that loving you is such a chore.

long ago, i told myself..
you will not be mine one day.

i didn't expect it to come so fast.

i guess.. the answer to your only question..
will never be said.



for i can never find the courage to say that..

you're still waiting for us to be together.
that i am confident enough that few years down the road..
your feelings will remain the same..
like mine remain for yours.


i thought i hated you.
but i was wrong.



i can never find an excuse to hate you.
i will only love you more. as each day passed.