*poof*

okae. now. i dun care if u found out abt this or not. i opened this to write my feelins.. whether u like it or not. that's none of my business! well, i was once very *into* diary. but one things that puts me off is my ugly handwritting. at least by typing i can make it into any font i like and want. whatever. i nv intend to let anyone noe abt this site in the 1st place. u found out abt it by chance. dun blame me. i took it upon as my own diary like the 4 other books lyin in my cupboard!

u told me u will msg me after u get back home. okae. i waited. til waD? til justin told me u're online discussin wad present to get for chew??!!?? and i need anothr person to tell me u're home. why izi t alwaes like that? i called ur hp til my hands are breaking.. i can even memorise the person's lines by now. you have reached bla bla bla.............................. okae. u told me ur hp's batt's low.. i believed you. but ain't u anxious to noe who msged you?? okae. or at least concerned abt me after not contactin me for one whole day???????????????????????? u went back home w/o on-ing ur phone??

since the 24th. u ignoring me and not caring a hoot abt me and havin ur face *black* as anything that is black to today.. i told you ignoring me is wad hurts me the most. im scared. you're being indifferent to me now.. i am jus NOTHING to you now.

i duno if this is call.. *makin a fuss out of nth* or *blowin things up*. but i definately noe.. i dun like pp to sae one thing and do another!! i had my reasons for waiting.. im starting work soon and it doesn't seem to matter to you that we will not get to see each other so freely now.

u can sae i can dun work.. but im not like you. i dun have my first 3 months spent in a JC. and rather den letting the 3 months of break to go to waste.. i would rather work some extra money for myself and keep it for future uses or wadever rite? i duno..

im seriously gettin ur point. the point which i guess u knew long ago. the attitude and tone of voice and actions you had shown me these few days.. confirmed my intuition/senses or wadever you called it.. that.... you had no more feelings for me.. i dun wana believe it. but i had no choice. do you even noe the reason why im holdin it?? that's cuz by not letting go, i will find in the slim slim chance i have a.. hope. of.... hope.

it isn't an everyday thing that you find someone u TRULY love. im willing to overcome all obstacles for you. i dun mind the diferences we're facing. all i ask is to have a little love out from you.. to me...

will this feelings fade even more after i started work?? we shud not look back on the past?? everything change.. i just have to accept it? who can i blame?? me, him, us or fate or god? wad can i do?

a blurred vision lingers in my heart and mind. i cannot make out wad izit. i need directions. i dun wana give up seriously. yet i noe the answer to ur heart. wo zhen de hen bu gan yuan.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it seriously nv shud have come to this.